How to Give a Toast at a Dinner Party

Most people asked to say a few words at dinner worry about the same three things: what to say, how long to go on, and when to stand up. Learning how to give a toast is mostly learning that a good one is small. One person, one reason, one story, and everyone raises a glass.

This guide is for hosts and guests at a dinner party, at home or in a rental. By the end you will have a structure you can fill in tonight, a sense of how long to speak, the right moment between courses, and a way to include every guest at the table, whatever is in their glass.

How to give a toast in four parts

You do not need a quotation or a joke. You need four short parts, in this order. The example lines below are ones we wrote to show the shape, so swap in your own people and your own story.

The story does the work. A single true detail says more than a list of adjectives, and it is the part people remember.

Three examples to adapt

Here are three short examples, again written for this guide. Our guides to planning an anniversary dinner and retirement party catering cover the rest of those evenings.

• Thanking a host. “We’ve been on the road or the slopes all week, and tonight we sat down at this table. Thank you for bringing us together. To our hosts.”
• For an anniversary. “I’ve watched these two argue about directions for years, and they always get there together. To the next chapter.”
• For a retirement. “Half of us learned the job by watching how you treated people. You leave a lot behind you. To Pat.”

How long a dinner party toast should be

Sources differ, so here is what they actually say. The Buckley School of Public Speaking tells most people to keep a toast under sixty seconds, with more room for a few people at a wedding. Toastmasters sets a looser limit, saying a toast should last no longer than three minutes.

Read those as a target and a ceiling. A dinner party toast is far more likely to run long than short. This table suggests a length for each kind of evening.

Time yourself reading it aloud at an easy pace. If it runs long, cut a story, not the ending.

When to toast: timing it around the courses

The best moment is when nothing is competing with you. That means a full glass, an empty plate and nobody on the way to the kitchen. In a four course meal, there are three good openings and one bad one.

• As the first drinks are poured. This belongs to the host, as a short welcome before the starter.
• After the soup or salad. A good slot for thanks from a guest, since people have eaten something.
• Before dessert. Save the main tribute for this lull, when the entrée is cleared and nobody needs to rush.
• Not during the entrée. Hot plates go cold, and nobody can put down a fork gracefully.

The host speaks first, and a guest can follow with a thank-you. If the host says nothing, a guest may offer a toast to the host later in the meal. If several people want to speak, gather them before dinner, set the order and cap it at three. For a wedding weekend, who goes first depends on who is hosting, which our guide on who pays for the rehearsal dinner explains.

When a chef is serving

Tell the chef when you plan to speak. A plate of beef fillet with asparagus will not wait long, so a course should never land mid-speech. If you are a private chef’s client, a quick word before dinner is enough, and the kitchen will hold the next plate until your glass comes down.

Delivering it without shaking

Nerves are normal, and a little preparation goes a long way.

1. Write it out, then cut it. Rehearse it aloud two or three times, ideally for a friend.
2. Hold off on the drink. Have your glass after you speak, not before.
3. Keep a card if you need one. A small note reads as care, not weakness.
4. Stand, if the table is big. At a table of four, you can simply raise your glass from your seat.
5. Get attention gently. Stand and wait with your glass up. Skip the knife on the crystal, since a rental’s glassware is not yours to chip.
6. Look at the person, not the glass. Speak to them, and let the table listen in.

What to leave out

• Apologies. Skip “I’m terrible at this.” Just begin.
• Inside jokes. If half the table can’t follow it, save it for later.
• Embarrassing stories. Skip exes, old scrapes and anything you would not say in front of their family.
• Borrowed lines. Your own plain sentence beats a famous quotation.

Including guests who don’t drink

A toast is about the person, not the drink, so word it that way. People skip alcohol for plenty of reasons, and none of them are the table’s business.

• Pour something for everyone. Make sure each person has a drink in hand before you stand. Our guide to non alcoholic drinks for a dinner party has ideas that feel like an occasion.
• Choose your words. “Please raise your glasses” works for everyone. “Everybody drink up” does not.
• Let water stand. Old tradition frowned on toasting with water, but correcting someone’s glass is far worse manners.
• Include the kids. Hand them something in a real glass, so they can join in.
• Think about altitude. Visitors may be pacing themselves, and our guide to drinking alcohol at altitude explains why. A sip, or just a raised glass, counts in full.

For the wider manners of the evening, see our guide to dinner party etiquette for hosts and guests.

Frequently asked questions